He doesn't like to live. What should a woman do if she no longer loves her husband: advice from psychologists

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Hello dear readers. Today we will look at a situation where a wife does not love her husband. You will learn the reasons why feelings may fade away, the signs that characterize this condition. You will become aware of valuable recommendations in this regard.

Why do feelings fade away?

  1. Routine, monotony, everyday life.
  2. A common reason why love may fail is the degradation of the husband due to addiction to alcohol, gambling or drugs.
  3. Another factor is the disrespectful attitude of the spouse, moral humiliation, and constant reproaches.
  4. Men's assault turns feelings of love into hate. Although there may be cases when a woman continues to love her offender, no matter what.
  5. Consequences . With his betrayal he kills all love.
  6. The lack of signs of attention from the husband can dull a woman’s feelings, the man stops kissing and forgets about marital duty.
  7. The appearance of another man in a woman’s life, new feelings are a strong passion or love, but completely cover the usual attitude towards her spouse.
  8. Lack of sexual attraction to a partner.

Signs that love has passed

The phrase “I don’t love my husband” can arise in moments of resentment, despair and is not reality. Let's look at what signs may indicate that feelings have cooled and there is no former love.

  1. When making serious decisions, you no longer consult with your significant other.
  2. It became difficult to be in the presence of my husband.
  3. Now spend all your free time without him.
  4. You don't see it in your husband true friend, advisor, you don’t trust him anymore.
  5. Any mistakes by the spouse cause strong anger and give rise to quarrels.
  6. You no longer treat your husband with respect; during a conflict, you can easily insult him.
  7. You experience unpleasant sensations when your husband touches you.
  8. You try to stay longer at work in order to see less of your spouse.
  9. A man is no longer attractive as a sexual partner.

Are there really no more feelings?

Valuable advice from a psychologist suggests that you need to answer a number of questions for yourself in order to understand whether the emptiness in your soul means the disappearance of love or the result of severe fatigue, and you can still get it back.

  1. Are you afraid of being alone?
  2. When you find yourself in an unfamiliar place, do you think about your spouse?
  3. Have you ever thought about what your married couple will be like in old age?
  4. Do you remember the times when you were happy together?
  5. Is your husband attractive as a sexual partner?

If you answered yes to more than one question, all is not lost. Deep down, still love your partner.

You can also ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is there something about my partner that really annoys me that cannot be changed?
  2. If my husband himself proposes to separate, will I feel relief?
  3. If my husband leaves for another woman, will it matter to me?

If “yes,” then it seems that there really is no more love.

Let's look at what to do if feelings become dull or disappear altogether.

  1. Analyze the current situation. Make sure it's not love and not the effects of chronic fatigue.
  2. It is important to determine the reason that influenced the disappearance of old feelings. Perhaps everything can still be corrected or this experience can be transferred to a new relationship.
  3. Tell your husband what’s on your mind. Perhaps, if he makes some effort, he will be able to awaken true feelings.
  4. If the thought “I don’t love my husband anymore” comes to you, but you still have doubts, try to mentally simulate what life will be like if there is no longer a husband in the house. If you feel relief, the love has truly faded, and if there is pain, all is not lost.
  5. If you have decided that there are no more feelings, then the decision about whether to continue living with your husband or to divorce should be made only by you, without the advice of loved ones.
  6. If your feelings have disappeared due to adultery, try to forgive your spouse if he really repents of it.
  7. If feelings of dislike are caused by the fact that your neighbor’s husband is more handsome, stronger, more attractive, and yours is insignificant, then it’s time to stop comparing him with someone else, and try to find the merits of your spouse, not paying attention to his shortcomings.
  8. If feelings have disappeared due to some problems or crisis, then it is worth remembering all the good things that happened in your life together, and, if necessary, writing it down on paper. Your family may still be able to be rehabilitated.
  9. Remember what your husband was like when you fell in love with him. What has changed in him, perhaps he is still the same person, his feelings have simply cooled down due to habit, there is not enough romance, a surge of emotions. A. means everything can be fixed.
  10. If emptiness in the heart is observed during the period of bearing a child, most likely this is the result of influence hormonal levels. And that means love has not gone away.
  11. Often a woman who is sure that there is no more love, visiting a family psychologist,

Are kisses under the moon and stormy nights a thing of the past? Have they been replaced by routine and subconscious hostility towards your partner? Love and passion in a relationship can rarely be preserved after years of marriage. When a woman realizes that she is no longer attracted to her husband, that there is nothing to talk about with him and that she does not want to go to bed with the family, this marks the beginning of a crisis in marriage. “I don’t love my husband, what should I do?” - advice from a psychologist will help you get out of the situation.

How to accurately determine that feelings have cooled?

Many women look at wedding photos with sadness and longing and remember the former love and tenderness that reigned in their couple until a certain moment. One day they feel that their hearts no longer flutter when their once beloved husband hugs them at night. Cooling of feelings can occur as a result of everyday life that is so familiar to all of us, due to regular quarrels or the negative attitude of the spouse. How serious is this problem? How can you know for sure that your love for your husband has passed? The following signs will indicate this:

  • You no longer feel happy. One of the most important components of a successful family life- this is happiness. If in the company of your spouse you feel a loss of strength, depression, irritation, and going to the movies together is completely terrifying, then you can hardly call this state happiness. Lack of excitement, joy and comfort in marriage - a clear sign lack of love for your spouse. You can cry into your pillow at night, drink valerian or something stronger, but this will not change the situation. We'll have to face the truth. In general, happiness is different for everyone. Some ladies rejoice at the first snow, while others do not feel happy despite great wealth, health and a loving man.
  • Your husband has become indifferent to you.“Darling, today I’m going fishing for three days, will you look after the children yourself?” or “I decided that I need to cut my hair bald and grow my beard as long as possible, what do you think?” Previously, such questions would have caused you wild indignation, but now you don’t care about your husband’s fate and his appearance at all? From this we can conclude that the main man in your life has become indifferent to you. You don’t care where he goes or what he looks like, as long as he talks less and stays nearby. Now it doesn’t matter whether he put effort into it or whether the circumstances were that way. The issue has come to a head and needs to be resolved quickly.
  • Lack of mutual understanding. You tell him about Foma, and he tells you about Yerema, you say that you want romance, and he sits in the kitchen in shorts and drinks beer. You ask for help around the house, but he thinks that you can handle it yourself. You are talking about the sublime, and he is talking about how his friend was caught by traffic cops while drunk. Previously, sitting in the kitchen, making the house cozy, and his funny stories made you smile and touch, but now, apparently, the love for your husband has passed. You don't understand him, and he doesn't understand you. Now you are almost strangers. And the ideal interlocutor for you is your best friend who believes that all men are assholes.
  • You don't see a future together. When a relationship develops in the right direction, then joint dreams and plans are an integral part of it. With your beloved spouse you want to build a house, go on vacation, go to a restaurant after payday, but with your unloved one you try not to discuss or imagine anything at all. It seems that the husband will only interfere with the implementation of plans. You, of course, can continue to dream about the future, only in your dreams your spouse will be absent. It is possible that someone else, young and handsome, will take his place. All this means is that you no longer love your husband.

See also:

How to find a man after a divorce and build a new, already happy relationship

Life with an unloved person turns into hell. It seems that everything is in vain - this wedding, these years lived together. Depression is already knocking on your door, there is a desire to get a divorce and go on a free swim. You shouldn’t hang your nose and do rash actions. This situation can be resolved different ways, and not the most dramatic ones. What to do if the love for your husband has passed? Let's sort out the problem with the help of a psychologist.

If your feelings for your spouse have cooled, then one of the solutions to this problem is a banal divorce. Of course, official separation becomes the only option when the relationship is truly dysfunctional. Tyranny on the part of the husband, his complete reluctance to earn money and help around the house, real disgust for him is a reason to seriously think about breaking up the relationship. But if you see that your spouse is a completely normal man, and you both simply lack your former passion, maybe you shouldn’t break everything off forever?

Love is multifaceted, and many women find it difficult to understand. How does a great feeling arise? We find our soulmate and fall in love. First, we experience vivid emotions, try to show each other only our positive qualities, and then we are faced with the reality of the harsh everyday life of the average Russian family. Everyday problems and getting used to a partner bring you down to earth. The euphoria from the first meetings passes very quickly, and you want new dose this amazing feeling. During such a period, it is difficult to realize that relationships are not always accompanied by the flight of butterflies in the stomach, that sometimes you need to be patient, wait it out, show humility and respect for your partner. Many couples at this moment destroy their family, become free and even more unhappy. Then men and women find new partners and go through the same stages with them from falling in love to disappointment, without ever understanding what to true love they lacked quite a bit.

See also:

Living with an abusive husband, or How to turn yourself into the heroine of a cruel thriller?

If you think that you don't love your husband, but you have children or other reasons for maintaining this relationship, then you can radically change the situation for the better. Believe in your strength, because nothing is impossible. And we will tell you how to try to love your husband again, if you don’t love him, but you don’t intend to leave. TOP 5 efficient psychological advice will transform your marriage:

  1. Don't rush to conclusions. In a fit of anger, you want to immediately break off the relationship and chase the dream of absolute love. You should not make hasty conclusions that you may regret later. Negative emotions from changing the usual way of life often negatively affect family life. You may subconsciously become irritated with your partner during everyday difficulties, throwing out accumulated stress. Soon this manner of communication will become a habit, and it will seem that the feelings have gone away. Chronic fatigue, depression and health problems also have a negative impact on relationships. In general, analyze the situation, try to soberly assess it: has love really passed or do you not feel it against the backdrop of various problems?
  2. Find out the cause. Do something useful right now psychological exercise. Remember how the cooling of feelings towards your spouse began? Maybe you changed your job, had children, or started building a house? Or did your husband offend you, touching your nerves during a major quarrel? Dig into yourself and you will definitely find the starting point from which it all began. It is very important to understand what exactly caused the fading of love, and then you can come up with the right plan of action and resolve the situation.
  3. Talk to your husband. Even though you don’t love him (or think that you don’t love him), you simply must dot all the i’s. There is a chance that your spouse does not even realize that he has fallen out of favor with you. Therefore, there is no need to hide the current state of affairs from him. Find the right moment and talk with your partner. It is not necessary to immediately shout about your hatred of him; this will not lead to a constructive dialogue. Try to gently describe the situation without causing emotional harm to your spouse. It is quite possible that a frank conversation will encourage your husband to make changes that will change your relationship for the better.
  4. Make your final decision.“What if I don’t love my husband, but we have children?” – this is the question asked by many wives who find themselves in a similar situation. Psychologists do not recommend relying on both children and the opinions of others when solving family problems. Divorce, of course, is a last resort when cooling off feelings for your spouse, but when taking this step, you need to listen exclusively to yourself. Children need to see happy mom, and responsible fathers continue to raise their heirs even after the divorce. Are you afraid of society's condemnation? Gossip is unlikely to be avoided, but no one will put a stigma on you either. Nowadays, divorce will not surprise anyone. Domestic difficulties also cannot become a decisive factor in the issue of separation. Remember that financial problems can always be solved. From all of the above, we conclude: decide what is best for you. Listen to your heart, and only it will tell you the right direction.
  5. Contact a psychologist. It is not always possible to understand the true causes of the problem on your own. You can come to an appointment with a specialist together with your partner to find out for sure why you stopped loving your spouse and to get to know your own self. The psychologist will give advice and tell you what to do if you don’t love your husband, but you have children. It will help you get out of depression and learn to listen to your inner voice. Find a competent specialist who inspires trust, and get ready to work on your relationship. There will definitely be a way out of the crisis.

When people live together long enough, after several years of living together, their feelings fade away. Almost all couples experience cooling of feelings, misunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts.

But only some, having survived a relationship crisis, become wiser and improve their relationships, while others decide to separate.

What to do? How to lower your head if you find yourself thinking that you no longer feel love for your spouse?

How to test your love for your husband?

Expert opinion

Anna Kolyada

Psychologist, poet and just a good person

The first thing you need to do is make sure whether you really don’t love your spouse anymore, or whether this is just another depression.

In order to check and make sure of your true attitude towards your spouse, you need to sincerely answer the following questions:

  • If you and your husband were now in a joyful and calm environment that was completely different from the present one, would you still be together?
  • If your spouse decides to leave for another woman, thereby freeing you, will you be happier?
  • If he wants to take the initiative in an intimate way and asks you for something that you could only secretly dream of, will you agree? Will it give you pleasure now?
  • Why don't you want to change something about yourself that your spouse doesn't like? What's stopping you from doing this?
  • Will it bring you joy if your husband changes something about himself that irritates you?
  • Can you lean on his shoulder as before?
  • Do you often have quarrels? Who is the main initiator?
  • Do you have mutual respect for each other?
  • Do you feel like your husband is limiting your personal space?
  • Do you watch movies together, share stories, spend leisure time together?
  • By answering these questions honestly, you can understand whether you are actually comfortable with your husband now and whether you are ready to leave him.

What to do next?

Whatever the reason, you must first calm down and analyze everything.

  1. Try to understand for yourself what you mean by the word love now? After all, for many women it is enough that a man understands and respects her, and they do him in return. This is love for them.
  2. Talk to your spouse about what is bothering you. Maybe you are just very tired of everyday life, of its lack of attention to you. Perhaps you just need to unwind together, go on a short trip. And then your feelings may flare up again.
  3. You may not even show that your spouse is indifferent to you if he is an excellent father. After all, for the sake of children, women are capable of much.
  4. If you are already tired of him, then you can leave for a while. Chat with new people, take a break from everyday life. You might even miss him.

Should I tell my husband or not?

A woman is an emotional being; it is quite difficult for her to hide her feelings and emotions. She feels acutely if something has gone wrong. It will cost her enormous effort not to show that her feelings for her husband are fading.

It will be difficult for her! But if she is still calm, comfortable and well with him, even without crazy love, then she will endure everything. After all, he loves them madly. And replacing fatherly love is quite difficult.

Therefore, the wife will hope that soon her feelings will flare up again with renewed vigor. But in the meantime, she will cry to her friend, sit on thematic forums, but will never show her experiences to her husband and children. After all, she is so afraid of destroying the already fragile family happiness.

Sometimes you just can’t stand it anymore. The woman tried, overcame herself for the sake of her family, but realized that her soul was torn from pain. But even children can feel this. Therefore, in this case, you need to calmly tell your husband what is really happening. This must be done gently and delicately so as not to hurt your spouse.

Try to find out together the reason why this could happen, what contributed to it. Next, take appropriate measures to prevent this from happening again. Perhaps your spouse will be able to understand that it is not easy for you now, and will try to do everything to.

Is it worth ruining the relationship?

It is always easier to destroy than to build. Remember how much time, effort and energy you spent to create your family.

A strong family is built on respect, trust, love, friendship, common interests - all this takes years to develop. Are you ready to sacrifice all this if only one point in your relationship has failed. Are you ready to be alone? Do you have enough strength and means to support your child?

If you are unsure that you will be better off alone, then perhaps you should try to correct the situation and save the relationship.

Many problems can be solved by saving and improving the marriage. For example:

  • You feel that you are moving away from your husband. After all, when you just started living together, you were united: passion, study, hobbies, friends. Then life forced him to devote himself completely to work, and you became very immersed in household chores, hobbies or your business. In this case, the gap between you is growing every day. The solution is obvious. Try to devote more time to each other. Choose a time that is suitable for both of you to spend together or with the children. Add variety to your time together. Travel together, try to do something new, make each other's little dreams come true. The main condition is to do everything together.
  • Stop comparing your husband to someone else. For example, with your friend’s husband, because he is richer, more respectable, smarter. You can't know everything for sure. Or maybe he is much ruder than your husband, maybe he spends all his time at work, and his wife gets only a share of his remaining time and attention. Instead of praising someone else’s husband, shift the emphasis to the dignity of your own. Remember how and what you told your friends about him. And remember, there are no perfect relationships. Every place has its own problems and nuances. You just need to try to notice them and try to correct them.
  • Learn to talk to your spouse, share your experiences, tell me what upsets you. If your spouse values ​​you and truly loves you, then he will definitely listen to you, and you can significantly improve your relationship. And if not, then think about whether it’s worth your effort?

If you understand that nothing helps, and the relationship can no longer be saved, then don’t torture yourself, not him! Tell him the truth and file for divorce.

Sometimes divorce is truly the best option. If your husband begins to drink often, gamble, and at the same time does not want to change, then the best solution is to leave him.

It is very difficult to decide on divorce. This is a very important step. But is it better to endure humiliation, negative emotions, and fear? Quite often, spouses stay in a relationship for the sake of their children. Yes, divorce is not easy for kids either. But children feel if their parents are not happy together. This state is completely transmitted to them. Therefore, it is better for a child to be with one happy parent than to live with two unhappy ones.

Sometimes a woman simply hides behind her children. She is afraid of female loneliness, and of not being able to cope with difficulties. And so he decides to leave the marriage as it is. But as a result, he gets a ruined life, constant depression and guilt. And this also affects children.

Therefore, it is necessary to gather your thoughts, gain strength and patience, and make an adult and wise decision.

How to love again?

How to bring love back into a relationship? And is this possible? Many women ask these questions. Yes, perhaps, psychologists answer. There is nothing impossible in the world, the main thing is your sincere desire and the right steps towards happiness.

  • First of all, psychologists advise to calm down and begin to analyze the situation. You must understand why you want to leave your husband, why love has disappeared. It may turn out that the reason is quite banal - the husband does not take care of his things, he has become dirty or lazy. In this case, a frank conversation can help. During this conversation, explain to your husband that you really need his help with the housework, that you are tired of cleaning up after him, that it is difficult for you to cope with the children alone.
  • If your husband loves and appreciates you, then he will try to correctly evaluate your conversation, draw the necessary conclusions, and will help you in the future. This means you can save your marriage and bring love back into your relationship. You just need to sincerely forgive your husband for all his mistakes, and in the future always try to talk about what worries you in a timely manner.
  • Perhaps from your husband. He spends the whole day at work, but look at the situation from the other side: your husband works so hard so that you and the children have everything you need. In this case, you should become his support and a ray of light, and not throw tantrums again. It is then that your husband will be drawn to you like a magnet, he will need you, because you give him light, warmth and harmony
  • Admire your husband more often, praise him, emphasize all his virtues. Learn to support his conversations, find and share common interests with him.
  • If you are tired of the monotony in your relationship, boredom and everyday life, then arrange an interesting date for your husband, invite him to go on a romantic trip, just the two of you. Left alone, enjoy each other, have a heart-to-heart talk, and promise each other to arrange small dates as often as possible. This will help you bring romance and feelings back into your relationship.
  • But don't forget about yourself either. You, too, must become an interesting person who is self-confident and inspires your husband to take action. New interests, hobbies, training, gym classes will help you recharge your batteries and compensate for the loss of old feelings. Having filled yourself with positivity and self-love, you will feel the same feelings for your husband. After all, like attracts like.

Reasons for the fading of feelings

One of the most important actions is to understand the reasons for what happened. It is imperative to find out the reasons why your feelings for your partner began to fade.

  • Perhaps, under someone’s pressure, or by personal desire, you decided to marry for convenience. The man fully suited you in all qualities, and that was enough for you. But a couple of years passed, you grew up emotionally and spiritually, and you realized that on your own positive qualities you can't build happiness. I still want to experience love.
  • Or maybe you’re just confused: at one time you mistook falling in love and passion for true love. And after a while they began to realize that love never happened.
  • But it also happens that even from sincere love people get tired. Love simply develops into a habit. But dissatisfaction with the husband’s character, his behavior, and new qualities begin to irritate more and more. And the woman is disappointed.
  • If you just liked another man, or you are seriously interested in someone, then this will naturally affect your feelings for your partner.
  • It happens that he often begins to show rudeness towards a woman, and this frightens and repels her.
  • Your common interests may simply disappear. And then you begin to look at life differently.
  • Or maybe you have accumulated a lot of mutual claims and grievances. But they didn’t express them. And so this led to the fading of feelings.
  • Well, if you yourself feel cold from your spouse, or even, then this can completely kill your feelings.

There can be many reasons, you need to take time and carefully understand them. And when you understand the true reason, and maybe more than one, then it will become much easier for you to understand in which direction to move. And what to do in the future.

I can't leave my husband

A woman may realize that she has long lost love for her husband, but still cannot leave him. Why does this happen:

  • A woman does not want to change her established life.
  • He is afraid that he will lose part of his property.
  • She is very dependent on her husband financially.
  • He doubts that he will be able to raise his children on their own feet.
  • There is pity for the husband.
  • Afraid of loneliness.

These reasons force a woman to live with her husband even without love. But it is they who make her unhappy. She often cries, tries to avoid scandals, and do everything so that the child does not see her condition. But how long will she last like this? Maybe you should still make up your mind and leave your unloved husband, give yourself a chance to build a new happy relationship full of love and mutual understanding.

It also happens the other way around: a woman realizes that she no longer loves her husband, but he treats her wonderfully, then she begins to put a different meaning into the meaning of the word love. In addition to passion and butterflies in the stomach, love now means much more to her - it is understanding, respect, gratitude and acceptance. This wisdom comes with time. According to statistics, relationships based on these qualities last much longer and develop more harmoniously than those based on physical attraction to each other.

Can't sleep again. Thoughts stubbornly swarm in the brain. My legs are like ice, but I don’t want to cuddle up to my husband. When I'm offended or dissatisfied, I don't want anything at all. It's good that he falls asleep quickly. But then he will start spinning in his sleep and shuddering. What a vacation this is!

If only I could take a little nap...

...The doctor in a white coat leans over my head and says doomedly:

- Well, the diagnosis is clear, my dear! Yes, yes, this is a disease when a wife does not experience her former feelings for her legal spouse. What to do if you don't love your husband? Decide yourself. Treatment or divorce - the choice is yours.

Divorce is unpleasant, but quick and radical. But what will you do then? New search? There is no guarantee that you will not catch this infection again. The disease is slowly becoming an epidemic. Over the many years of marriage, it is a rare wife who has never doubted that she still passionately loves her husband.

The treatment is not easy and requires determination and patience. But if you want to save your family, then everything will work out. You will acquire lasting immunity from this disease yourself and protect your husband from it.

Brrrrr... I'll dream about something like this!

I listen to the snoring under my ear and understand that the doctor from the dream was right: I really don’t love this man anymore and I don’t know what to do with such a bleak fact.

A terrible diagnosis sounds in my head, causing confusion and fear. What if it really is a “disease”?

An incomprehensible sadness that has been creeping up more and more often lately, lethargy and lack of interest... What if these are the signs? Plus bad feeling, anxiety, insomnia... Looks like I'm actually sick. What to do?

So, you need to Google it! I type into the search:

What to do if the wife does not love her husband

I feel my fingers freezing as they slide across the keyboard. What should you do if the machine finds the answer - believe it or not? I'm choosing a serious site. Cry.

The wife doesn't love her husband- a common disease of married women, characterized by cooling of feelings towards their spouse.

Pathogens

1. Psychological illiteracy
A person is born with a certain set of psychological characteristics (vectors) that determine his character, interests, and desires. These special qualities influence how people build relationships with each other, choose partners, and interact in the family. What a twist! It turns out that everything is scientific here. And I considered myself an educated lady. I sit comfortably in bed and wipe my sweaty palms from excitement.

2. Ignorance of the laws of attraction, courtship, family creation
Attraction between a man and a woman is a natural force based on “smells”. According to the law of survival, a person is drawn to partners who have different mental qualities than himself. By complementing each other, such a couple has a better chance of becoming a stable union and providing their children with a comfortable future. But the same differences are often potential causes of the disease described.

What are these “features” and “qualities”? I don’t know anything about myself, and even less so about my husband. He and I are really different. But before, I loved him like this!

Another unconscious mechanism is that during the courtship period, people try to make the most positive impression on the chosen one, hide shortcomings, and emphasize advantages.

Exactly about us: like a fool, before dates I sat for hours in front of the mirror, covering up every pimple. And he portrayed a knight in shining armor, impressing me with stories about his strength, intelligence, generosity and the list goes on.

So this is not deception or deceit, but a natural process of the initial period of relationships, laid down and justified by nature? And I bite him because he changed, and I married another man! If only I knew what to do to fix everything.

3. Lack of emotional connection between partners
Emotional connection is a conscious effort to create close and trusting relationships.
Read what needs to be done to create a strong sensual connection in the “Therapy” section.

Incubation period

Up to three years.

The power of natural gravity is not eternal. Nature gives the couple the time necessary to conceive and give birth to offspring. The stability and well-being of the marriage union in the future depend on the conscious contribution of both spouses to the relationship.

What does this mean? They were drawn to the differences, gave birth to a child, and completed the task of procreation. Thanks to nature, but you won’t be able to go with the flow on your own? But what to do if magnetism weakens and contradictions grow?

Symptoms:

Cooling of feelings towards husband;
- misunderstanding between partners;
- boredom;
- lack of sexual attraction (unilateral or mutual);
- quarrels for any reason;
- grievances;
- disappearance of common interests.

Complications:

Loss of interest in life;
- treason;
- lethal outcome of the relationship (divorce).

Everything fits! It hasn’t gotten to the point of complications yet, which means it’s not completely advanced. But I still feel pity for myself, like a sick child. If this is so, I must thoroughly understand this issue.

Forms of flow

Acute (a woman’s sudden realization that she no longer loves her husband; often accompanied by the question: what to do?)

Chronic (a long-term state of lack of interest in a partner, may be accompanied by constant irritation or cause addiction. Question: what to do? - may be absent).

That's right - an epidemic! I often hear from friends and colleagues that they don’t love their husbands and don’t know what to do with their marriage - run away or stay for the sake of the children.

And I thought that I would be bypassed!

I walk barefoot into the kitchen, turn on the tap, and wash my face. cold water. There is still a pounding in my temples. I resolutely open the window to December. After a couple of minutes, the prickly -20*C brings you to your senses. “Well, okay, I don’t love my husband - that’s a diagnosis, I understand. What should I do? There must be salvation! These days, almost everyone gets treated!”

Therapy: what to do to get rid of the condition - I don’t love my husband? Advice from a systems psychologist

1. Diagnosis of the condition - I don’t like it: the first step to recovery

Most women mistakenly believe that “I don’t love” means “I don’t get it.”

Why is it “wrong”? I don't get any pleasure from relationships anymore! I miss care, interesting communication, time spent together, respect, compliments, gifts... I thought the reason I don’t love my husband is that I don’t get all this. Is not it?

In fact, the concept: I don’t love means “I don’t give.”

In surprise, I gasp for air, like a fish thrown ashore. I'm not giving it away? That's me!..

...Indeed, I’m not giving it away. I silently put dinner on the table and stare at my phone. Every day I refuse to take a walk before bed and snort irritably when asked to scratch my back. I don’t allow him to throw away grandma’s old sagging chair that irritates him so much. Little things. But I don't do even that little. I don’t listen, I don’t hear, I don’t share anything.

How simple! I don’t love because I STOP loving! I stopped GIVING love, GIVING warmth, attention, affection from myself.

My nose begins to tickle treacherously, my eyes become moist...

2. Awareness of the hidden characteristics of spouses

The same differences that attract people during the period of acquaintance often become a reason for disagreement and misunderstanding in family life. Clashes occur both on global topics and for virtually no reason.

Realizing the differences between herself and her husband, a woman ceases to be a hostage to the subjective perception of the world. In a partner with different qualities, she no longer sees the “wrong self.” Understanding your husband’s psyche and your own leaves no reason for irritation and conflicts. Motives become clear and reactions are predictable.

For the first time, a woman truly gets to know her husband and experiences a true interest in his inner world. The thoughts that she no longer loves her husband visit her less and less.

Exactly, I get offended if he throws things around or stomps on the freshly washed floor in dirty shoes. It seems that he doesn’t even notice how I try to maintain comfort and pamper him with pickles. But he is proactive and organized, makes decisions easily, and earns good money.

Yes, he won’t say “thank you” again, but at the same time he provided me with the latest household appliances - washing machine, vacuum cleaner, food processor... and how convenient it is! God! So, he appreciates my work, but only expresses his gratitude in a different way?

I can no longer hold back my tears, they are dripping straight onto the tablet.

3. Create an emotional connection

The most the best remedy therapy and prevention of the disease - the wife does not love her husband - creating a strong sensual connection between the spouses. Emotional intimacy is a conscious choice in favor of love and relationships. Mutual interest, trust and sincerity create an atmosphere of psychological comfort and safety.

Yes, if you trust unlimitedly, you are not afraid to be yourself, you do not expect a trick, you are not tormented by suspicion. Like before, at the very beginning, but now - not under the anesthesia of falling in love, but consciously and deeply? I want it again!

A woman, like a tuning fork, sets the tone in a relationship. Her task is to motivate her husband to be frank and provide emotional support. Gradually opening up, talking about intimate and painful things, she invites the man to take a counter step.

Like in childhood, I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my pajamas and bite my lips so as not to burst into tears.

How little we still know about each other! There are countless stories from childhood. Funny and touching, cheerful and sad - which I still haven’t dared to share, supporting the notorious “female mystery.” And the mystery turned out to be her own husband.

My heart is pounding with excitement and curiosity. The melancholy and fatigue were gone. As is customary during illness, I feel my forehead. It seems the crisis has passed. Will live!

Last look at the screen:

Detailed information about the disease: the wife does not love her husband - as well as qualified help can be obtained on the portal “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. There are also hundreds of reviews from women who managed to get rid of this disease forever.

... Exhausted, I put down the tablet, with difficulty straighten my legs that are numb and blue from the cold, and go to the bedroom. It's almost dawn, but there's still time before the alarm clock. I look at the big sleeping man with a smile. So close and dear, and so intriguingly unknown.

Climbing under the blanket, I whisper in his ear: “I’m bored and terribly cold, can you let me warm up? Let's sit in our coffee shop before work? We haven't had breakfast together for a hundred years..."

In response, I hear a contented grumbling, feel my icy legs thaw and fall into sleep.

“... I’m sitting, crying... A few months ago I sat in front of my broken life and tears also flowed... others... When I came to the training, I was sure that we could no longer save the relationship. And somewhere I turned out to be right. It turned out that I didn’t want to save what was there before the training. Now I am developing a new relationship with my husband. On a completely different level! And this is after twenty years of marriage, which led to complete misunderstanding and resentment. How is this possible???

Not only is there no trace left of insults and misunderstandings... Such unreal closeness appears in our relationships - sometimes even after a long silence we begin to say the same thing! After 20 years - getting to know each other again! Isn’t this a MIRACLE?!..”

If you begin to understand that your partner lives with you only out of habit, do not rush to panic. Understand that love is not asked for. It must be achieved and conquered.

Start practicing self-improvement. Remember what you were like when your significant other first met you. Surely a lot of time has passed since then, and you have changed not only internally, but also externally. Get yourself in order, update your wardrobe, get a new fashionable haircut. Study your figure carefully. Chances are, as you get older, you've gained a few extra pounds. Go on a diet, exercise, or start eating healthy. Eat less fried and salty foods, prefer boiled fish, meat, and vegetables. Give up sweets and replace them with fresh fruits.

After you feel attractive again, try to awaken your husband's love. Sharing pleasant memories will help you with this. Take him for a walk to the places you visited when you were young and in love. Look through your shared photos, find gifts that were given to each other a long time ago. Positive emotions can awaken old feelings in your spouse.

Surround your lover with care and attention. He must understand that there is a loving and sincere person next to him, who can come to the rescue at any moment.

Remind your other half of your feelings and tell him that he is still very dear to you.

How to survive your husband's indifference?

If you can’t get your spouse’s love back, you can act in two ways: tolerate cohabitation without feelings or get a divorce.

By choosing the first option, you can calm yourself down with the thought that love is too deep a concept. It includes friendship, mutual understanding, respect, habit and passion. Surely there is everything in your relationship except passion. Then return her. Try adding it to your intimate life something new, your husband will definitely appreciate it. Have romantic dinners, which could end with your frank dance and a stormy night.

If you understand that further life together does not make sense, call it a day and file for divorce. Of course, it is very difficult to survive a breakup, but believe that in the future you will definitely meet a man who will love you and make you happy.



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